Day 10 Or Day 9496: Accounting

FUN FACT

If you add the digits of the first day of my 27^th year together (9+4+9+6) you get 28. If you then add those digits together (2+8), you get 10. This is fun because it occurs on January 10, the 10^th day of my life on purpose. Yes, I accounted for leap years and no, it doesn't happen every 10^th of January. This year is obviously special, and I can’t help but look for useless number patterns like this on a daily basis.

BACKGROUND

Without putting Other Person on blast, I’d like to share a conversation I had last week:

Other Person:  YOU have a blog?!
Me: Yes.
OP: What do you even write about?
Me: Well this year I’ve been writing about how I am going to live 2013 on purpose; live intentionally.
OP: What does that even mean?
Me: well…

Perhaps you can’t read it in the conversation above, but Other Person had an air of all around incredulity. This person couldn't believe that I write or that “Living on Purpose” has a leg to stand on. While I wasn't particularly surprised by this attitude, I did have to stop and account for myself. Frankly, I’m surprised by the positive response I've got from my readers; for that I love you all, but don’t you find yourself wondering, “Gee, Lydia, that’s nice and all, but it’s awful gimmicky…”

On another front, I received an email pointing to the fact that somebody already ran with this gimmick. (Sorry Dad). A reverend wrote a few books and established a plan I could follow, perhaps I should go get that book and see how it influences my plan.

I responded to the email and I responded to Other Person, so now I’ll respond to the rest of you who are maybe asking the same questions. I’d like to account for my thoughts, for my life on purpose.

ACCOUNTING

I have long held the belief that all humans are beautiful. I even wrote an essay in high school defining beauty as human; the assignment was to define something abstract. I think we all have seemingly limitless possible life paths and it’s up to each one of us to decide just which path we prefer. This doesn't mean Life/God/Mother Nature/The Devil/Other People will refrain from pushing me one way or another. It doesn't mean I won’t stumble a few times as I try to pursue my dreams. It may take arduous days to get where I want to be. It may take me my whole life. But if I’m not here on this earth to fight this struggle, then why am I here? I believe I have a purpose, a dream, a reason to be here, and I will do everything I can to achieve it.

Through high school and college, I was very goal oriented. I had a plan to get where I thought I needed to be in life. I achieved everything I wanted to and more! I graduated, grabbed my degree, and set out to bask in the glory of everything I had worked so hard to earn!

After the initial excitement of adulthood wore off, reality sunk in. I was now a member of the working world. No more spring break, no more summer break, no student activities, it was time for true responsibility. It was time to go to work, cash a pay check, buy some pretty things, and encourage the next generation until the end of my days.

As the energy of new experiences wore off, my blog died. I started waking every morning with tightness in my chest; terrified that this was going to be the next 30 years of my life. I can’t count the number of times I remarked how hard I had worked for my degree, how much somebody else (thankfully) had paid for that degree, and this job was all I had to show for it. I was stuck in a rut, grasping at rootless weeds trying to pull myself out.

I kept poking around the interwebs trying to find another job. For the most part I believed that my experience thus far did not add to my resume, so I was looking for somebody to give me a second chance at an entry level position. On almost a fluke, I stumbled upon a craigslist ad for an entry level engineer, “If you don’t know how to do it we’ll teach you.” I got really excited! I answered with an updated resume and a cover letter… and heard nothing. I assumed the position was filled and I had missed my opportunity. Still stuck.

In Midway Airport, dreading a flight back from a long weekend spent with the best of friends, I glanced at my email. “Hello Lydia. Perhaps you don’t remember, but about a month ago you applied for a position here. Are you still interested? If so could we schedule a time for you to come by and we can get to know each other?” WAS I STILL INTERESTED?! YES! PLEASE! THANK YOU!!

Finally I had grabbed a straw that had some roots and I started to climb out of the darkness. After a whirlwind interview process, I accepted the new job, quit my old job, and moved to Seattle. There was still some fog to fight through, but the sun was coming out. As I settled into the new job and the new apartment, I realized how much of my life had fallen by the wayside because of how much my old job was dragging me down. As it turns out, doing virtually nothing is quite exhausting. I wasn't working out. I had no side projects. I had no real aspirations.

MY SOLUTION

Now I’m tired of wasting my life. I’m tired of counting down the days/hours/minutes of my life. I hate that there are days when I can’t wait to get out of work, just to come sit on this couch until I can go to bed, and get up the next day to rinse and repeat. I hate that that’s what my life has become. Clearly over the last few years I lost sight of my beliefs.

It’s time for me to use this gift of an enlightened view of the past three years to direct my next year. I must admit my idea to “live intentionally” is not entirely organic. It crept into my mind in late December while I was listening to a podcast. I’ll admit to googling the concept. I’m not the first to the table, but I don’t want to eat what someone else cooked up. I want this to be as organic as possible; I want it to come from within me. In this way I hope to find a continued source of drive, a relentless desire to challenge my status quo and reach for something more.

I may have stuttered over my explanation to Other Person, but I know what living intentionally means to me now.

It means getting up off the couch.
It means setting goals.
It means challenging MY status quo.
It means approaching life with a “can-do” attitude.
It means if I’m unhappy, finding out why, and fixing it.
It means constantly looking for new opportunities.
It means fighting the fog.
It means demanding the best from myself in all endeavors.
It means approaching each day with purpose, drive, and desire.

When I get down to it, this, THIS right here is MY life. I’m the only one who can live it.

Thanks for reading,

Lydia