Days 59-63: Distracted

Sorry everyone. As you can see I had a 14lb distraction the last couple of days. I owe you a recap of February and some goals for March. Coming soon!

Day 42-54: Answers

I sat down with someone very important to me, myself, and I conducted an interview.

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What are you doing?

I'm shaving my head to raise money for children's cancer research! This will be my third time.

Oh really?! When?

Yes. Really! Saturday, March 9th, 2013. You could come watch, if you are free that day.

Where would one go to watch such a spectacle?

Fado Irish Pub, Seattle, Washington. You could also donate money, here: 

http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/lydiabenger

Now, for the tough question, Why?

I knew you'd ask that question. Of course I knew because you're me and I know what I'm thinking... sometimes.

I prepared for this question. I prepared for a damn long time. 12 days actually.

Most of my readers, I imagine, already know why I shaved my head the first time in March 2008 and again in March 2009. After that I embarked on my bigforkadventure and took a swing at growing up. I listened to those voices in my head that told me it was time to grow up, time to be an adult,  Now it's been 4 years since the wind whipped across my bald head, and I've got plenty of hair to show for it. I've got 4 years worth of long, luxurious, golden, blonde hair.

Consider, of course, the Numbers 
Every 3 minutes, globally, a child is diagnosed with cancer.
In the United States (where some of the better healthcare is available), 1 in 5 will not survive.
And of those that survive, 2 out of 3 will suffer long term effects from treatment.

I decided in January, that St. Baldrick's would be one of my major accomplishments this year, so I've been kicking the idea around in my head for a bit. Initially, I have to admit, my involvement was somewhat selfish. I missed it; I missed being involved in something greater than me, something that matters. I wanted to feel that feeling of doing "great work" again. I couldn't accept that, shaving my head to make me feel good about me. I burrowed into my thoughts (which is why it has taken me most of February to write this blog). I asked myself over and over again, Why? I read old posts from years past. I read the speeches I gave before the events in 2008 and 2009. 

Despite all this internal searching, the answer didn't come until I talked to others. 

Talking to Candis

I told Candis I was really struggling to write this out. She pulled my nose out of my laptop, looked me in the eyes, and said, "Well then, just tell me why. Why are you doing this?" I told her about Lizzie from Kearney, Nebraska. I told her about how my freshman year of college I read this heart wrenching blog mostly by Lizzie's mom that told her family's story of love and loss during Lizzie's battle with cancer. Their story, while unique to them, has too many themes common among families battling cancer. Buried in all their pain was this quote from Lizzie:

 "My goal in life is to impact and change as many people's lives as I can. I want as many people as possible to know how important it is to enjoy life as much as possible. I feel like I'm supposed to help people to see how important it is to enjoy what you have when you have it. I love helping people, and I think the more people, who can enjoy their lives the better the world will be. I believe that you never know when things can change, so you need to enjoy things while you have them. Carpe diem, or seize the day!"

I said to Candis, "Lizzie's the reason I did it the first time. When I think about reading that the first time, quoting it again at my event in 2008, and reading it again now, I think, 'Here is a 14 year old who gets it; she gets life.' I mean 2013 for me is about living life intentionally, and that's the spirit I get from Lizzie when I read what she wrote."

To that Candis said, "See. There's your reason."

Talking to Coworkers

Armed with a self printed St. Baldrick's business card, I approached coworkers and asked for their hard earned money, and another answer to why stumbled out my mouth.  

I slowly talked to individual coworkers about shaving my head for St. Baldricks. I started with the safe ones, the guys and gals I felt most comfortable around. I moved on to sitting in the lunch room just waiting for the opportune moment to tell somebody about my cause. Next was the VP of engineering, followed by a sit down in the office of the company president. Finally, at the prodding of a few individuals, I said the following at the weekly staff meeting:

I'm shaving my head on Saturday, March 9^th in solidarity with children fighting cancer.

I'm doing this, also, to raise money to fund childhood cancer research.

My goal is to raise a minimum of 2000 dollars.

I will personally match 10 percent of all donations before the event.

Fine Print: My maximum contribution is 500, as I have to pay my rent.

St. Baldricks is an organization I whole-heartedly support.

I've been involved with them since late 2007.

I've spent the last 4 years growing my hair out, and in 17 days

I will shave my head for the 3^rd time.

As a marine engineer, I don't expect to cure any cancer.

But since cancer affects us all, I want to help any way I can.

Hair and Money I have.

Both I can give.

Will you help?  

The take away from talking with my coworkers, both individually and in mass, is found in the last portion of my spiel. My working life does not take on my larger purpose in life. I have a responsibility to impact the world in a positive, giving way. St. Baldricks helps me fulfill this responsibility, this need.

Okay, okay, okay, could you maybe summarize all that rambling? Why are you shaving your head?

I have a desire, a responsibility even, to intentionally impact the world for the better.

Don't you?

http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/lydiabenger

Day 40: A Quote

"Take control of your life by simply realizing that it is worth the trouble to become the person you're meant to be."

Simple. Now get it done.

Short, quick post this morning from my mobile telephone device. I'm off for a chilly bike ride!

Day 37: My favorite number and an update on the numbers

37! I just love that number, not real sure when our love affair truly started. Alas, love is love.

Just wanted to pop in and give you a quick update on some of February's goals.

Social
So far I've set up my St. Baldricks page (here). I've talked about it a few times on facebook and I'm easing into telling people at work. I want to have one on one conversations with as many of my coworkers as possible as opposed to blasting their emails or plastering the break room with handouts. Cancer is personal. I want to make my discussions personal. Thus far, I'm 2.5% on my way to $2000.

Physical
On Tuesday morning at 10 am sharp, I registered for the Chilly Hilly! There is no turning back now. Today I discovered this little gem just down the street from my house, Cycle University. I read some really great reviews, packed up my bike and went down for a quick check up. The service was great! The mechanic gave my bike a quick once over, tightened a few things up and found a magnet I was missing. This was all free of charge. I'll be back. Once I got home, I set up the trainer and rode 15 miles! I'm hoping the weekend is clear with a little bit of sunshine because I'd love to put in some actual road miles.


Here's proof of today's ride:

Day 32: Today is a BIG day!

Wrapping Up January

January was the first month of living intentionally. I'd say it went pretty well. There is room for improvement, but how much fun would this be if I achieved everything I wanted in the first 31 days?! Let's recap:

The big month theme was Spiritual. I set out to get a handle on the whole idea of living intentionally. I came up with a plan. Each month will have a big theme goal and three smaller themes. I came up with a few big things I want to do this year and started planning it all out. I'll be sure to clue you in on each goal as they become pertinent.

The Physical intention was to run 2 miles under 20 minutes. Check. That. Box.19:50.

Intellectual goal was to live by a written budget. I did this. After totaling everything up, we came in $120 over budget. Over budget not so great, but I think it was within margin. I have a better understanding of where the money is going and where we need to buckle down. Trend wise, we started out the month under budget and on track, then I think we got comfortable a let go a little. February will be interesting (fun)!

Socially, I said I'd blog 10 times... fail. I'm sorry. I'll do better.

February!

Can you believe it's already February? I guess it's time for a new set of goals.

Spiritual 

This intention will be on the smaller side this month. Last month I mentioned that I had a pin board sitting around the house which I wanted to use as an intentional living visual tracking system. I'll post a picture when I finish it.

Intellectual 

I guess it's going to be a bit of a crafty month. Intellectually I want to focus on creating an actual desk surface for my desk. Something tells me the Ikea side table pinned to the wall just won't cut it too much longer.

Physical
Ladies and Gents, Chilly Hilly
This will be my first attempt at an actual bike ride. with. other. people.
I've got some indoor riding to do. STAT.

Social
And now, the BIG news, the big theme intention.

I'm a little nervous, honest.

This month's social goal will spill over into March a little bit, about 9 days into March.

On March 9th, 2013, I will once again shave my head to raise money for childhood cancer. My goal is to raise at least $2000, and I'm hoping your loving valentine filled hearts will help me achieve this. Also if you're in the area, I hope you can make it to the event to support me (or shave your own head!)

Click here to see my donation page, to make a donation, or check out my progress.


Thanks for continuing to support me as I intentionally take on life!
Love,
Lydia

Day 22: Checking In

Just a quick hello and update my progress thus far for the month of January.

Physical
Huge news on the physical front: today I ran two miles in 19:50! Thus, I have achieved the goal of two miles under 20 minutes. This goal was surprisingly more difficult to achieve than I had initially thought it would be. 20 minutes taunted me. I ran 2 miles in 20:16 and 20:05. Taunted. I am victorious!

Aside from a little vacation on my birthday and this last weekend for additional birthday celebrations; I have been working out every other day this month. Some days I bike. Like that sad sad Sunday when the Broncos lost to the Ravens; I was on my bicycle for the entire first half of the game. "I should have biked the whole game," says my superstitious self. Some days I run. I intend to keep at this habit as February approaches. February will have a pretty substantial physical goal.

Intellectual
So far so good on living by a budget! This is something I have tried before, but never with such a low income to outcome ratio. It is an interesting game, frankly. Every time I pay a bill, I get to highlight a budget complete. I guess you can say I'm easily entertained.

Fun fact: Seattle City Light bills every other month. Another fun fact: fun fact number 1 means I have an extra  $115 this month that was not initially anticipated. Best fun fact: this means I have money to fly home in the coming months!

Social
Perhaps 10 blogs per month was a weeee bit of a high expectation. Obviously at this point I'm 50% complete while the month is about 70% complete. I guess I've just been having fun living intentionally. Safe to say if I accomplish this goal, some of the minor details of the next few days will spelled out on this page in great detail.

Spiritual
I've got a about 1/4 of this process complete; that is 3 of the 12 major goals picked out. I have a pin board here at home that intend to use as a status board as well as a visual reminder of all the things I intend to do each month. Intentions are good, just have to put them in to action. Of course, I'll let you know when that happens.

Day 10 Or Day 9496: Accounting

FUN FACT

If you add the digits of the first day of my 27^th year together (9+4+9+6) you get 28. If you then add those digits together (2+8), you get 10. This is fun because it occurs on January 10, the 10^th day of my life on purpose. Yes, I accounted for leap years and no, it doesn't happen every 10^th of January. This year is obviously special, and I can’t help but look for useless number patterns like this on a daily basis.

BACKGROUND

Without putting Other Person on blast, I’d like to share a conversation I had last week:

Other Person:  YOU have a blog?!
Me: Yes.
OP: What do you even write about?
Me: Well this year I’ve been writing about how I am going to live 2013 on purpose; live intentionally.
OP: What does that even mean?
Me: well…

Perhaps you can’t read it in the conversation above, but Other Person had an air of all around incredulity. This person couldn't believe that I write or that “Living on Purpose” has a leg to stand on. While I wasn't particularly surprised by this attitude, I did have to stop and account for myself. Frankly, I’m surprised by the positive response I've got from my readers; for that I love you all, but don’t you find yourself wondering, “Gee, Lydia, that’s nice and all, but it’s awful gimmicky…”

On another front, I received an email pointing to the fact that somebody already ran with this gimmick. (Sorry Dad). A reverend wrote a few books and established a plan I could follow, perhaps I should go get that book and see how it influences my plan.

I responded to the email and I responded to Other Person, so now I’ll respond to the rest of you who are maybe asking the same questions. I’d like to account for my thoughts, for my life on purpose.

ACCOUNTING

I have long held the belief that all humans are beautiful. I even wrote an essay in high school defining beauty as human; the assignment was to define something abstract. I think we all have seemingly limitless possible life paths and it’s up to each one of us to decide just which path we prefer. This doesn't mean Life/God/Mother Nature/The Devil/Other People will refrain from pushing me one way or another. It doesn't mean I won’t stumble a few times as I try to pursue my dreams. It may take arduous days to get where I want to be. It may take me my whole life. But if I’m not here on this earth to fight this struggle, then why am I here? I believe I have a purpose, a dream, a reason to be here, and I will do everything I can to achieve it.

Through high school and college, I was very goal oriented. I had a plan to get where I thought I needed to be in life. I achieved everything I wanted to and more! I graduated, grabbed my degree, and set out to bask in the glory of everything I had worked so hard to earn!

After the initial excitement of adulthood wore off, reality sunk in. I was now a member of the working world. No more spring break, no more summer break, no student activities, it was time for true responsibility. It was time to go to work, cash a pay check, buy some pretty things, and encourage the next generation until the end of my days.

As the energy of new experiences wore off, my blog died. I started waking every morning with tightness in my chest; terrified that this was going to be the next 30 years of my life. I can’t count the number of times I remarked how hard I had worked for my degree, how much somebody else (thankfully) had paid for that degree, and this job was all I had to show for it. I was stuck in a rut, grasping at rootless weeds trying to pull myself out.

I kept poking around the interwebs trying to find another job. For the most part I believed that my experience thus far did not add to my resume, so I was looking for somebody to give me a second chance at an entry level position. On almost a fluke, I stumbled upon a craigslist ad for an entry level engineer, “If you don’t know how to do it we’ll teach you.” I got really excited! I answered with an updated resume and a cover letter… and heard nothing. I assumed the position was filled and I had missed my opportunity. Still stuck.

In Midway Airport, dreading a flight back from a long weekend spent with the best of friends, I glanced at my email. “Hello Lydia. Perhaps you don’t remember, but about a month ago you applied for a position here. Are you still interested? If so could we schedule a time for you to come by and we can get to know each other?” WAS I STILL INTERESTED?! YES! PLEASE! THANK YOU!!

Finally I had grabbed a straw that had some roots and I started to climb out of the darkness. After a whirlwind interview process, I accepted the new job, quit my old job, and moved to Seattle. There was still some fog to fight through, but the sun was coming out. As I settled into the new job and the new apartment, I realized how much of my life had fallen by the wayside because of how much my old job was dragging me down. As it turns out, doing virtually nothing is quite exhausting. I wasn't working out. I had no side projects. I had no real aspirations.

MY SOLUTION

Now I’m tired of wasting my life. I’m tired of counting down the days/hours/minutes of my life. I hate that there are days when I can’t wait to get out of work, just to come sit on this couch until I can go to bed, and get up the next day to rinse and repeat. I hate that that’s what my life has become. Clearly over the last few years I lost sight of my beliefs.

It’s time for me to use this gift of an enlightened view of the past three years to direct my next year. I must admit my idea to “live intentionally” is not entirely organic. It crept into my mind in late December while I was listening to a podcast. I’ll admit to googling the concept. I’m not the first to the table, but I don’t want to eat what someone else cooked up. I want this to be as organic as possible; I want it to come from within me. In this way I hope to find a continued source of drive, a relentless desire to challenge my status quo and reach for something more.

I may have stuttered over my explanation to Other Person, but I know what living intentionally means to me now.

It means getting up off the couch.
It means setting goals.
It means challenging MY status quo.
It means approaching life with a “can-do” attitude.
It means if I’m unhappy, finding out why, and fixing it.
It means constantly looking for new opportunities.
It means fighting the fog.
It means demanding the best from myself in all endeavors.
It means approaching each day with purpose, drive, and desire.

When I get down to it, this, THIS right here is MY life. I’m the only one who can live it.

Thanks for reading,

Lydia